Everything But The Weed

Approved by:
Linda Maze, a Wedding photography Gainesville FL in Gainesville Florida

The First 3 Beers -It has been a rough week workin with idiots. And these first couple beers are placin me right where I want to be. The creativity is starting to brew and I think i’m about to get a few new ideas for some funny shirts.  What I need to do is hit up the bar to be with my real friends  Jagerbombs are on me boys and girls!
 
3-6 Brews – Why does Connie the receptionist have to such a bitch? Doesn’t she realize that me stealing her lunch was just a term of endearment?  Whatever. I don’t care  I have the best friends in the world, they totally relate to my problems. Who wants this jagerbomb? Nobody?  Well don’t mind if I do! Here’s to me
 
7-10 Brews– I wonder what Connie’s doing now? Its so cute how her lips quiver as she answers the phone.  Why do you think I prank call her from across the room? Nevermind, screw her.  This bar is hoppin! Wow! What a great t-shirt design with a bar hopping up and down! That will be a best seller It will make a great addition to our funny t-shirts collection! It might sound awful when I’m sober but who cares right? Not me… hey broad, let’s make like a leaf and get the hell of of here
 
11-15 Oat Sodas – This bar knows me better that anybody ever could.  Hell, if it was cool with them, I’d set up a cot in the cooler and mop this bar in exchange for Bud Lights and Lemon Drops.  Tawny, your such a great kisser! What, your name is Kathy? I  knew that… Tawny is just my nickname for you.  BTW, if I yell out “Connie” tonight in the heat of passion that is inevitable at this point, Don’t be mad. 
 
16-19 Oat Sodas – To hell with you Yeah, just walk away! Your fat ass wouldn’t have been able to fit on my cot anyways! Connie would think this story was hilarious, I just might have to give her a ring… Yeah, hey Connie?… What do you mean its too late to call? I’m not tired, get up!… Yeah, we can talk in the morning, but this can’t wait! I want you to be my children’s mother!…CLICK… That whore!

20 Oat Sodas+ – Wait, wait, wait… what’s a mat shot? Cant even give me a hint, huh?  To hell with yall!  Give me 4! What the hell are yall looking at? Down goes the shots, down, down, down. Right into my tummy! It resembles like a combo of hampster diarrhea and clumpy milk curd with with just a hint of cinnamon. Ok, now i’m gonna whale! Whether its from the magical mat shots I just annihilated or the fact I just played tonsil hockey with a beached whale in heat… That we’ll never know.
 
The morning after~The next morning}… Holy mother of Moses, I want to be euthanized!  Did B Arthurs dead vagina creep into my mouth when I was sleeping? What is all over me that smells and feels like pee. Not sure yet.  What is this picture of a jumping bar in my pocket? It says, “This is a Winner””This will be great for our funny t-shirts website.” Wow intoxicated me is retarded.  I like how me and plastered me communicate to each other as if we were on a seperate planet